Sunday, August 9, 2009

give it up

I thought it was a good thing to quit my job -- it seemed like the right thing for the right reasons at the time and now... now I'm not so sure.
I intended to start finishing up the Ike repairs ... I have done not one damn thing.
I cleaned the oven and the stove, but didn't even wash the vent hood or scrub the counters, much less trim the plants and herbs in the kitchen window.
I haven't even made a list of what I need to do.
I started cleaning the garage last week, since the garage clean is the first thing so we can put in shelves and storage ... but too hot, too lazy and I didn't get it done.
I'm barely working and I have no energy.
I think if I could make a list and tackle rooms one by one that is the only way to make progress ... but not a list in sight ... I don't know where to start.
Limited contract hours means limited money so it's not like we can just go and hire someone ... but I can't put one step in front of the other.
I think I really screwed up, I had a job with security, benefits, steady paycheck, some flexibility ... and the most important thing, fixing the house, is already fallen by the wayside.
I am too lazy, too undisciplined, to be self employed.
But its too late to do anything about it ...
If this is the way it's gonna be I may as well just run as fast as I can and try to get a real job, at a greatly reduced salary no doubt cause no one wants to hire women and especially not women my age...
Boy did I blow it and in this environment, with so many young perky pretty female lawyers I think there's no going back.
Time to buy a lottery ticket ... that's as likely as getting a decent job, especially since I do know only one thing -- I do not want to try any cases.

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houston, tx, United States

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