if not...

if not then
why?

My brain swirls,
wires frizzling with sheath-destroying heat,
of uncertainty.

Should anything
be
be said?
Subtly
or in pointed directions?
Do you know
have any been there?
I guess
not
for nothing said
means nothing worth
and as nothing worth
the mere occupancy of space
does not mean
a thing.

I want to
tell me what to do
to know what to do
not just whatever
whatever you want
what I want
now
too old
too set
no changing the mind now
like dirty socks
flecked with the tar
of a floorless house
they
we stay
the same
an obstinate mess
less we set them to fires

No more body
few if any want
what has nothing to do
occupying spaces
few can see
I lost count at eleven

so what's next?
if there's god
perhaps
only god knows
his humor lost here
for he must have
one
at least one

one that has no use
to talk to me
whoever is here
no reason, no point
Why waste a precious time
for
god knows, has all
for those who wait
who earned audience
who trust and believe

Moving cross the nation
is hardly the time
for questions
so enveloped
in secret solitude
that ask is intrude
no matter pretending
politeness

The most polite
the least of time
and fewer inclinations
but
maybe
perhaps
one gulp of guilt
stuck in the throat
to stop the speaking
it must be done
I at least
in my density
cannot read a mind.

So where?
Maybe later
but nothing there now
only old and creaky
tired
constructions demolished
should be hidden
at least
at last

Somehwere
something
better to take the space
from
of nothing
or at least
saying what is
offered to
echo.