bewildered

All politics suck, at least if you're not a politician. And I obviooulsy am not a politician, just a person who thinks she can do a better job and is willing to take it on, but the price of admission to just apply is politics.
Especially in terms of writingand such, I had gotten used to being able to come here and write, even though no one ever read it. Now I'm afraid someone will somehow find it and link it so I'm not sure the wisdom of continuing to blog here. Even if no one read it, there as a place to write and in fairness, an odd comment here and there. It's just kind of solitary to have no place to write freely, no one to share with even if the person(s) with whom anything was shared were purely imaginary ... the point -- in part -- is that I did put it there and t cold be read and commented on was anyone so inclined.
So am I willing to continue this path? It may be that the real shot for me at a campaign is 2012, which we can start in June 2011. I don't know; Randy and friends are nothing but supportive but being isolated in a strait jacket -- unable to write and communicate freely -- I just don't know.
There's something about the fact of putting it out there for whoever stumbles upon it (which i know is close to 0 folks) that's different than keeping notebooks tucked away. An act of faith if you will, in a sense...

collecting signatures

so a friend of a friend is helping me campaign. I hate politics and politicing -- it's not my thing. However it is the only way to be elected as as Texas insists on electing its judges in partisian races, ... we have a lot of totally unqualified folks parading as judges and it is a nasty political process.

Q: How can you be a judge if you never even tried a case?
A: Move to Texas and be a better politician than ever you were a lawyer

SO if it's so bad why bother? Because it's so bad.
That being said I went to a tea party thing today and actually it was pretty nice. There was a huge one last Monday that I didn't go to, and this seems to have been by all counts a lot tamer. It was more like a July 4th event than a pack event and I did get some signatures (only 900 to go) ...

What if I had gone and it was totally extreme and angry? I don't know, I probably would have left.
I'm not sure what the breakdown is for states that appoint and states that elect, or which states have partisian races for judges and which don't but this really is not a very good system. Not that appointment is necessarily a good thing either - the guy who lost the seat I'm running for was appointed and he is by all counts a perfectly nice and decent guy, Eagle scout, etc. but he was never a trial lawyer. Maybe that's why he lost last year. I guess he would disagree since he is my primary opponent, and he has about $20,000 already ...
I guess it's just politics -- he lost last time so they (including the republican party) give him thousands of dollars to run again against the same guy he lost to last time? Too bad I'm not a white guy with a lot of money who works in a big firm that has a lot of money ...

politics sucks, esp the democrats

in one of the most populous states/counties/cities we do things in a feudal fashion. State-wide and City elections are non-partisian, but everyone knows the party affiliation of everyone else. Judicial elections are partisian. Elected city officials are elected for the purpose of shaping policy, enacting laws, steering the community one way or another so theoretically party bona fides are relevant (at least as the current political system is understood). Judges specifically do not ever shape policy and never enact any law. The job of a judge is to apply the law fairly to everyone, making the courtroom a level playing field regardless of party affiliation, race, sexual orientation, gender, income, etc. Yet we must run as either a democrat or as a republican and while i am neither, i thought i was willing to pick one for the purpose of running. I am much closer to 50 than not and guess i should have known after being in the field for 20 years yet still i was taken aback by the stated reasoning of the democratic leaders that i should run against a more experienced lawyer who actually has tried cases and not run against a younger inexperienced lawyer -- who has never tried a case in her life - for the simple reason that the democrats think there should be as many black females on the ballot as possible. So the experienced lawyer is an older whote male and the one who never tried a single case is a young black girl ...
Why run? because it's the only way to get the job. And why would I want that job? Decent pay, good benefits ... and oh yeah, because I'd be really good at it.
How is this little girl expected to rule in trial when she herself has never even tried a case? How can she make the rulings that need to be made when she has never even made an objection in trial? More than that, why do the democrats think it should matter my race when no one disputes that this other girl is not qualified in the least?
I gave them a check and I will stop payment. Maybe I'm not a republican but i sure as hell am not going to support or be a part of that group of bigots who call themselves democrats.

then

just wait til i
can find my shoes
i'll go home
then down
to the river
at least where
you can
push us
in hold
our head
under water
with all
its voices
in cold
syrupy
silence streaming
past consciousness
or then
again
we could
go
sell
balloons right
off the street
maybe
if we were
twenty
years younger
we might know
better what to do

hold our own
head under water
until
they come
we will
still one
that put
us in this box
we chose to stay
with ruined faces
maybe we oughta talk
one of these days
again

Thumper

You have to be pretty fast to get anything to eat in my house, unless you're a cat



He also loves split pea soup, hummus, peas, corn, all meats and animal products, tortillas, dog food (wet and kibble), ice cream, yogurt, peanut butter, honey, gingersnaps, ramen soup, thai and vietnamese food, granola, cheerios, squash, potatoes, fresh peas ...

wormed

a long dark think
from nowhere to home
lights gone racing cross the skies
when i was them
i was a little dumber
now it's more and some complicated
hidden away in sueded leather
disguised
sos
crossing the skies
my skies and yours
firing up to elaborate
words yet spoiling
spilling
from that lopsided mouth
dabbed in pink
the better to make you think
it is something other
more
than is

jowls
are hanging out
as the squid slides through
the day before once
everything worked
for
against
all that you were
wanting
to be

and finally the bag men
arrive from italy
it may be a different day
yet still it is
the same old story
and tomorrow it will be the same
going on and on
disagreeing over some detail
that no one will remember
later tonight
even if a death ensues
especially yours

but we are not in prague anymore
and so we must do just the best we can
with your friend franz
twenty one hours to go
and still to be done
the work of a lifetime
only so much as time can bear
will be borne
harnessed in
shoes too small
and all the rest

i understand nothing

 

dump-ed one

that genesis is to genius
black as to clay
gangrene to hand,
hell, to brains and life and intellect, morals and all of it
everything that makes you better than me
yet there it is,
for no reason,
wholly without
the little dog stands
with his tail docked short

nails long clacking along the wood scarred floor
he's a chesty little bastard
bowleggedly tough
his stance
like any other banty rooster with
razors on his skinny scaly legs

makes it all seem kinds normal, don't it

out the window we can see
everything

it is twenty hours to go
but we know we can't finish
nor diminish
creating so many problems
so fast
the patterns swirling
clothes muddled in a heap
molding soggy on the floor
this flood will never leave
you may as well paint the first coat
rather than dress for some explicit therapy

now at ten in the snow is eleven hours to go
there is no word here to assure any of us
the bhodavistas have gone to the country
blocks to be burned
gloves to be filled
the proper way to play with scissors
is neatly at your desk
better to cut your own gangrenous sin
than the neighbor boy
that's what grandma always said
sides, mess with him and the nuns are gonna get you
their metal-edged rulers cut deeper
sharper than any scissors I ever had

they know the sins that swallow us whole
but if they're so special and holy and blessed
how in the world could they ever know
the flesh-devouring, life rotting gangrene of my soul?
any excuse to beat a defiant liar
god helps those who save themselves
and the nuns to help us

but not this one
this one it is not finished
before we get dressed
is one and a half hours
no matter what
one must avoid all dramas

now the floor is empty
butt scars blacken the long leaf pine
the day before in the rain
we never made
here they are on the rack
in the midst
of backwards prestige
the sage rolled his eyes
and lit another
looking at the mess
just another to cut and remove
dead branches nightmares gangrenous hands
take em all out
in the twenty three minutes left
those skinny waifs, their big doe eyes
shut closed, tight with duct tape sealed
just one last time
as even the beautiful
decay

all i wanted was just your blessing
instead
if not
then to the beach
with no more fear of silence
and only seven more to drown

what do they do with em once they chop em off
i wonder?