sunday second not a mass

I was going to go but I didn't.

The darkness is there waiting.
Not the fear of night type of darkness but an empty space.
Rapacious.
If I don't do something I won't find it.
I won't find anything this way.

I should be, I should do
I should never, I should not
but here i am and what I do is
i just am.

the answers are not volunteering
maybe its the questions are wrong.
Voyeurism, egotism, narcissism.

Feel that, then ask me if you care
It's not academic.
It's just confusing and lost.
Chances are it doesn't matter, I'm come too late for any of it.
Truth be told you're tired of it too
No one likes to be questioned for answers that matter
It's only the polite questions acceptable even if you say we're friends
But how could that be?
Here is nothing but distance and time and stories
you never asked for
but I told anyway
Wanting for close we create distance,
seeking connection we're flung further away
Telling the we never helped either
although the we cannot separate from an I not discrete.