Wednesday, May 20, 2009

moving along ... but to where?

so here i am with twenty years of formal education, not enough, ready to run as fast as i can (i think) from the 20-year trial lawyer i have become into something, almost anything else. I finally (maybe) ordered transcripts and i did (for sure) fill out my alternate teacher certification application (EC-4) and i paid my application fee ... but i still don't know.

What makes me think i can teach elementary school?
nothing --- it's more what i can't so ... math and science are the ones they want and since i flunked pre-algebra in HS and flunked pre-calculus in college and now they teach college calculus in HS i figured maybe i could pass whatever test they require for grade school math ... and in keeping with NCLB once you get certified in anything they don't care what's on your transcript. You just take and pass a test for another certification. So maybe eventually i could test into middle school to teach remedial math, and maybe some sort of english class where there are no diagrammed sentences ... i don't think i ever learned how to do that, and i don't see the point to it anyway ...
no one seems to think i'm capable of teaching HS ... M says (and she has good insight at times) i am not emotionally able to handle HS bc as she says they have to pass kids and they don't really expect kids to work or try or do anything; the purpose of HS is to graduate them to (remedial) college classes. M says i will be too easily frustrated and to hell with them... I think there is some truth to this --i am not and never want to be in management for much the same reasons -- it's not a prison so if you don't want to be there or take care of your business just leave. I may be unhappy in my job but i do it really well. If you're not doing the work you said you would do and that you asked for when you asked for the job you oughta be fired.
A judge friend who's known me for a while agrees HS is not for me, for many of the same reasons, but i don't understand what makes her think i can teach little kids ... to her it makes sense and is a wise choice but for me it's a fallback position.
So class starts June 3 and theoretically i guess i could be certified to teach by spring if I do clinical teaching for 12 weeks for free... but that's not when the school year starts. Or I could do class this summer and student teach one year starting the fall and get paid as a first year teacher and then after a year get certified.

But what if I hate it? What if I suck? What if I throw away a horrible nasty micromanaging job peopled with jerks and assholes who delight in being nasty and making life difficult ... but with a decent paycheck, to take a job paying half as much that has nicer people -- how could they be worse? -- but i hate it? And i'm really not sure i can teach ... M was bilingual at the end of 2d grade but couldn't read a word of english and i couldn't teach her. I couldn't teach her to ride a bike. Somehow we eventually got through tying shoelaces but there was a lot of daycare help with that. I think i could teach college or law school but there don't seem to be any jobs, except adjuncts, which pay nothing and lead nowhere and tend to have bad hours ...
but i did order transcripts (i think that happened), and i know i filled out the application and paid my bucks, so ... at least i did something, even if it's not the right thing, not well-reaoned ...

It sure would be nice to just know what i'm supposed to be doing, but no one's telling

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houston, tx, United States

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