not better but different

every once a while some one might
describe me fairly well perhaps
not ogtten, i am not so well known
so lonely and so safe at the one time -
not so much as to be inscrutable
presuming as it does a level of intellect as comonly used
or secrets, of which there are none for me
somewhere someone knows all, at least inside
and that's the kowing that counts
eating me up to dark abcesses of nothing real
another she thinks a mid life crisis but
wait another thirteen and this one is young again
its the new thirty
never was good with numbers
or words or people or feelings or sanity or painting or photography
everyone knows
numbers puzzle with their shapeshifting mysteries
thirties of violence fear desperation were bad so many ways
and a few good or maybe i just don't can't won't remember then or before
shall i count them, these many ways?
no
why bore you,
you did nothing i wish
i could make something but then
so can everyone
my lack of creative ability a birthmark
none can see but me hidden
whatever
you may think it's wrong
leastways its not right over here where we stay.